Swallow the pain alone...

SCHOOL & SC...

I'm trying to get the notes in my head fer HRA!!!haiz..todae,had pledge prac at ite bb..i didn't noe aidil n his fren was frm ncc too..patotla..prangai typical bdk ncc dulu sey..haha..disappointing most of our sc did not turn up todae....after tat went to eat at BK..as usual,took bus 168 frm woodlands,much more faster..told my clique,i wanna go watch 2012 movie on cumg sat..aniwae,tat dae clear things off wit lina..i told my clique i dun wan dem to bcum hypocrites n so,i conduct the table talk on fri after sch..tues got to sell milktea..thur got rehearsal n fri investiture..kinda sad tat our excos stepping down..can i reali lead my house committee??

LIFE....

i'm werking tomorrow,10-5pm..haix..how fast time flies..missing my M.L so much..sorie gerls,i'm veri busy wit lots of commitment...anywae,ayn has start werk as well at cocoa tree at Tangs..good..we can go shop fer things bck again..haha..ok,tis is too sum ppl who kip asking me questions n hinting me or even sum special people yg asik sindir aku je.."i'm not in contact wit anybody ok?get tis in ur mind..haha!"..get ur facts ryte..i'm so busy wit sch,werk n my freaking health..my lyfe is boring so stop asking me all these personal questions..watched kalho na ho,syurga cinta n bohsia juz now..haha,see la tis is wat kid do wen she stays at home..ah2 eh..indeed,i'm reali bored..hmmph..aniwae,i'm attracted to citer "aku mau" yesterdae..best!hee..i like to see RANDY,the singer n actor in oh baby n i love watching cahaya..omg,DUDE HARLINO!!!!i read his personality..he's quite religious,do u noe tat??haha!!

I LOVE DUDE HARLINO!!!!!!lol!!

Aniwae, after i get my pay by tis mth,i wanna go fer scanning n check up..gotta call doctor to ask bout my records..who's gonna accompany me??hmm..i tink its best fer me to go alone..

* No matter how u tripped n fell,its not bout the wound...its how u manage to get up back again n try to cure the wound..whether its deep or ain't, other ppl won't noe how it feels..u hev to swallow the pain urself...sumtimes it leaves a scar in ur heart..

Hell to my tight schedule n sleepless nights..

Damn it...i'm tired n pissed off..2mrw hev to wake up at 5 plus fer photo taking at ite bbn pledge taking...i hev not getting enuf sleep fer bout going to 2 weeks.. n gud,i got comments saying tat my face looks tired n pale..sun still werking frm 10-5pm..stressed out..11,16 n 25 nov,test fer my HRA...i feel like crying..arrgh!!!i'm mad..wen i cn't scold ppl or voice out,i will tend to kip it to myself n tat will make me cry..shit.hopeless kid.lamer2 aku jadi giler!!!

IF ONLI I CAN BE LIKE RABBIATUL ADAWIYAH.....

JOB....

Currently,i'm werking in tamp mall seoul garden..its a tiring job especially wen u noe kid hates F&B industry..aniwae,the workers there are fun..n surprisingly,i met siti syuhaidah,my schoolmate..btw,get irritated by patrick..sumpah demi allah,mcm nk siku je kn..irritating giler..mcm phm jer bbl...so,fer tis wk i'm done..werk on tis sun 10-5pm..so tired but wen i remember my mum,it gives me strength to werk..aniwae,there's tis 1 couple n a guy went in n eat juz now..i was wiping n cleaning the table beside them fer closing tyme..then,the guy wit her gerlfren said to his fren,"i'm talking to you,n u kip looking at her...lau nk knal2 ckp jelarh..tnyer namer dier.."he kip on saying tat n the guy was blushing..haha..i tried to hold my laughter..felt uncomfortable coz he kip staring at me doing my werk...but,nvm..i'm so tired n i dun bother,kip remind myself of my purpose fer werking..supposed to werk tis sun n fri tapi my supervisor said fri,there's enuf ppl n he noes i will be tired on thurs coz ends at 5pm..so,lucky kid,onli sun..aniwae,so far had a great tyme there..

SCHOOL & SC...

Last fri,saw iylia at my bus stop..coincidentally,he took the bus frm there too..aniwae,miss his laughter n jokes..he is a very good joker..now,he's skooling in serangoon JC..how i wish my cadet officers frm my intake can gather together again...aniwae,did my role play todae wit sch uni..we nid to dress up in the actual play..i'm not sure wen is tat..hmm..did service excellence n human resource progress test..i sux so much man..still can't get it inside my head..gosh,i nid to remember it fer my exam..aniwae,bout the emceeing thing, ms joyce lim hev to draw slots of ACTUAL N RESERVED to determine me&indra n edwin&farahliyana..so,guess we r unlucky..i took the wrong slot n i got reserved...Wed's gonna be a full-dress rehearsal fer emceeing fer the SIQC thing..n FRI gonna be rehearsal fer pledge taking..aniwae,ppl,we are watching 2012 on 12 nov!!!yeah!!!hope there's still vacant seats..sat,there's pledge taking as well at ITE BB,as usual..aniwae, hey,i dun want to be called mamahouse ok..sahrifah shud be called tat..i'm kakak house..hee..btw,gotta get my clique werking on the case study..babes,i nid it by tis fri ok if possible,pls submit it..i nid to compare all our ans..skool is stressing me again tis tyme n i nid to go wit the flow if i wanna pass..shit.unfair.I'm trapped in this prison wit full of hypocrites!!!!noe who's i'm refering to??everything is unfair..nothing is sincere.sacred.

LIFE....

On last sun,went home frm werk n troz tido...too tired..wen i woke up at 9.30pm,my adek still not bck yet..i was so mad tat i called mum..mama said she dunno umairah went out..so,i called my adek n i was shouting at her on the phone.."da pukol brape nie kau blom balek2 lagi??kau lpk ngn sape nie huh??kau crk keje??ari sun keje ape yg ader??dgr2 interview ader??dari tady kau ckp kau otw alek..pasir ris jauh pe??dgr2 pasir ris pat woodlands.."....she went bck tat nyte n kne lecture wit my mum..i was so frustrated wit her wen i heard her talking rudely to my mum...she wanted to find werk bcoz she said she wan money..i told her,"mama tk kasi aku  mase umo aku cm kau..kau brani eh carik keje??kau jln gi concentrate ngn studies kau dulu..kau nk 20 sebulankn,baek aku kasi kau 20 sebulan..."...tat was the onli thing i can said..i knew i needed money fer my things,fer mum,fer licence n now,added to my own sister..i knew i nid to sacrifice everything since my bro is not here..i hev to take gud care of tis family..lucky,my elder sis bleh dgr ckp..tat dae,tgh azan she want to kua rumah..i told her,"kak,lau bole pon tunggula abes azan dulu..tgh mahgrib kn."...i was shocked wen she went in bck n sat down waited the azan to finish off ....i cried wen i kip thinking all these..despite schooling,i still werk to help my family..all my frens hev relationship problems..me??all sorts of problems..but,i dun mind as long i still hev god by my side..so,tat nyte i studied till 3am in the morning despite being so exhausted by my werk..whole body was aching but still,i studied juz to make sure everything goes well..tuhan je tahu betapa penat nyer aku..and i woke up at 6am the next dae..all nyte,i kip thinking.."ya allah,kau kuatkn lah iman ku,beri kn lah aku kekuatan utk dugaan dlm hidup ini sebagaimana kau telah tabahkn hati ibuku sejak dulu lagi.."

* i'm just an ordinary gerl looking fer a shelter frm the rain n hoping the weather to shine bck again..I thank you if u are willing to share tat shelter wit me..Then,we shall watch the sunshine together...

The painful thing is to see sumone u love,loves sumbody else..

SCHOOL.....

Todae reached skool abit late...then,helped wit the SC bazaar again..joked alot wit Papahouse,shakir n Suffy...most of the things tat we talked bout todae are bout gays n those tat are not straight..too bad,aisah..actuali i realised this,most guyz are like are mostly gays...damn.haha..Had lunch again wit adelyn,lina n zura..and so we planned to go KARAOKE tis fri at Grandlink Sq..Yeah..told them i got pledge prac at dover so i mit them after 7pm..saw the FT guy again..he smiled at adelyn again todae..haha...Then,i said to adelyn wit a sarcastic face,"suker eh org senyum pat dier?hahaaha.."..imran went to take o'level todae..gud luck to hym..talked wit shakir bout his past relationships..aniwae,my HR teacher was absent todae..gud,at least i dun miss any lesson..haha..and kid's hepi todae,she saw MR DJ!!!!kenape la dier cute eh??everything is juz a dream..u can never accomplish it..

LIFE....

Tomorrow,there's gonna be campsteel at HQ....sadly,i cn't go..tsk..mcm nk tido sane je after skool...no nid to bring uniform pon tkpe,at least i cn KPO2 abit..miss ncc alot..and its SGT FARHAN LAST CAMP!!!!my sis goin fer tat cmp..aniwae, tis sun i start my WORK TRAINING at TAMPINES MALL SEOUL GARDEN..tkle lari jugak..muke kau memang asik kne ngn F&B industry jelarh..haiz..but,nvm..i hev to coz facing financial difficulties..so,nk tknk,hidop tkmo cerewet eh..haha..i got to coz i wanna finish up my licence..helping mum too..n giving adek allowance..my adek wanna werk..she's juz 14 n nids to focus on her studies....i won't let her..i gotta give her money..I needed to take care of tiz family since my bro is not there..i'm the child n i also nid to be the man in tiz family.Life is so stressful.So much problems but i'm trying to take it easy.....aniwae,interviewed by the supervisor..ya allah diana,btol ckp kau..cute banget si dia smpai aku tk abes2 senyum je..lol!!!but,u noe,i noe,we noe,it won't make it..hahaha!!check2,matair org je..hmmph..ok gtg,nk mandi,nk sembahyang,nk update diary n nk blaja..lau tk uat nie sumer,sape rugi??Nuraisah Binte Mohd Adam jugak..haha

tiz is fer a precious fren..it might be you..

FRENS WILL COME N FRENS WILL GO..

THE SEASON CHANGE N IT WILL SHOW..

I WILL AGE N SO WILL YOU..

BUT,I HOPE OUR FRENDSHIPS STAYS,STRONG N TRUE..

Aniwae,i wanna wish sumone on 28 oct..

HEPI 23RD B'DAE to

 KAK LENA!!!!!!!

I hope u will stay strong despite abg's not wit you to celebrate ur b'dae..

I hope ur love fer abg will never change n stays eternally coz my bro is madly in love wit you..may u find happiness if u are not fated to be wit hym..n may all ur wishes cum true..let us pray abg will be free frm any sentence n will cum bck to join us..let us pray tat both of u will get married one dae..if onli god sees us in his eyes.....

* Last nyte,thinking of you,one tear rolled out. I asked," Why are you out?"..Tear said there is sumone so beautiful in ur eyes,now there is no place fer me..

Why can't I bring myself to talk to hym??Each tyme he passes by,i wud look down...

SCHOOL....

Went to skool todae as usual fer sc bazaar..nuting interesting bout my lyfe todae except fer the SC ppl who put a smile on my face..tanx alot..aideel msged me suddenly todae asking me tis particular question,"u,sorie to disturb u..wats does sayang stands fer??cn u help me ask around??"....i was like,"huh??random sak nie jantan..tiba2 msg aku tnyer sal ques nie.."...aniwae,i saw tat FT guy again todae..he smiled..hehe..and gudness,i was staring wen i realise i was staring at MR DJ todae..talked wit imran n shaqir..we noe bout the posting fer excos...and indeed byk jugak eh org ckp the guy name saiful  is cute..aniwae,i juz recall tat azhar is ayn mole's boyfren..haha..no wonder so familiar..ate wit adelyn n lina fer lunch todae..kesian drg..2 org je..zura n faz were absent..went home at 2 plus...suddenly,the pain struck my heart todae..been like this since few daes ago n i kip stabbing my left chest wit my fist..btw,gotta study fer my HRA progress test tis fri,service excellence test n prepare fer my Role play!!!

LIFE.....

Yesterdae,my frens laughed talking bout guyz yet i sat one side smiling onli..my lyfe sux..a total bored..i read the novel,"setia menanti"..a sad story bout a gerl who never ends happily in a relationship wit a guy..still,she accepts her fate,yelling in silence..too bad sumbody passed away in tat story bcoz of brain cancer,having frequent migrains..it made me feel paranoid sia..i hope my migrain isn't tat serious..haha..ok..gtg..i nid to update my diary..ayn,sorie cn't let u read my diary..haha..u cn onli read it after i die ok..read it to every name tat is in it if u gerlz wan.....ok gerls,tis sat ader outing tk?farah n diana werking..cn we postpone it to other tyme??i cn't plan aniting fer the moment la..oh yeah,SC PPL!!!!dun forget tat we are going fer movie on 12 nov to watch "2012"....zura,ayn!!!kate nk gi karaoke...biler??!!!

* Does admiring sumone is a sin to you??I'm not disturbing ur lyfe...I'm juz a passer-by tats attracted n stunned by ur personality....allow me to steal ur shadows...I apologise if i'm a distraction to ur lyfe...

Once upon a tyme on sunday....25th october 2009

ok..yesterdae,went to bugis wit ayn to buy shirt fer sc investiture..went to a wig shop bcoz i was planning to buy a wig fer myself instead of cutting my hair short..gudness,now,i'm attracted to bob hairstyle wig..ayn said it looks gud on me,totally different image..she said i can look like a bitch wit that wig..haha!!i tot of wearing it on investiture coz lazy to tie my hair neatly..went mkn wit ayn n saw two handsome gays eating together..talked bout gays..
then,i asked ayn,"asl la drg jadi gay eh?kesian.."..then,ayn said,"heartbroken by gerls or maybe childhood past.."..i said,"yelarh tu..abeh kiter tk heartbroken psl laki?"...Ayn said,"cm gini kiter jadi lesbian uh.."then i laughed,"hahaha..ah2 eh..lau satu ari laki tnyer aku,asl jadi cm gitu,kn maseh ader byk lagi laki baek..aku eply pat drg kuat2,"maner dier laki baek tu??!!!mane dier??!!tunjuk ckit.."...hahaha"....after tat,we went to cat's house..baring,golek2 at her house..i acknowledge cat's mum as mak...saw her first bro,hensem sia,recently status single..haha..then,i joked wit them..

me : mak!!saye nk petik bunga di taman..hahhaha!!!mepek aku,bunga??
ayn : bunga kau!!kumbang la..hahaha..
me :eh ah2 eh..salah2..hahaha...mak,saye nk jadi menantu mak,bleh tk??
cat :skali mak aku jwb,haa,boleh2..anak mak yg num 2 tu..aru kau tahu..haha
me :siol uh!!!selisih!tu utk ayn..hahaa..ku nk abg kau yg first bkn yg 2nd..yg 2nd kasi ayn,yg kurus tu kasi aku..ayn kne ngn dier..
ayn :babi kau..nk yg hensem je..aku nk yg first la!!..hahaha..

then,wen we were about to go home..mak said to her first bro.."haa..ni2..yg nk knal2 ngn kau,suke ngn kau..(her mum pointing to me)....i was so embarassed.."eh alamak mak nie,malukn saye je..simah!!kau tgk mak kau..alamak,punyela paisey aku..adeke dier gi tunjuk abg kau aku nk knal2 dpan2.."her mum laughed..i treat her mum like my own mum..sporting giler sey mak dier..best!!her mum told simah tis once.."simah,kau patot dpt mak mcm mak aisah tu..garang2 bgos,jadi anak baek.."...i told simah,"untung kau mak kau support kau..lau kne ngn mak aku,slmat uh."

I'm mad wit my sis yesterdae..she uses the computer the whole dae..testing my patience sia tat crooked woman..

aniwae..i wanna wish sumone...

Hepi 18th b'dae

 to HILMI!!!

May u hev a blissful lyfe ahead...

&

May ur wishes cum true!!!

Have fun!!!

I can't possibly be in love wit a bad guy...

Life....

Lpk wit syahiid,alin,ika bk n ayn yesterdae..syahiid n ayn tk abes2 gado..then,mukh n zahirah came down oso..fer gudness sake mukh,tlg gi potong rmbut kau eh..tk senonoh..da mcm kobes..oops bkn,brocoli..hahaha!!!again pissed off wit mum..she alwaes like to crk psl wit me nowadaes..sabar je aku..bwk mengucap..haiz..yesterdae nyte,sumone called me wen i was asleep...it was RAIHAN!!!!arggh!!!miss hym alot sia..how hepi i was yesterdae nyte n still kip smiling till tis morning..he asked me,who's number was it..i told hym,"nie aisahla..kau tk knal kwn classmate kau dulu?he laughed,"ouhla..nie num kau??"..i said,"ah2la,da knape ngn kau an??nie num kn aku kai dari sec.."..he laughed..i told hym tat we planning outing fer our 502 class..haha..aniting i will update hym..hee..onli sahrifah n ayn noes it..memories are left as memories..he's attached to my junior,nashoha..i still remember wen i got to noe he's attached during class tat tyme..my jaws dropped open..haiz..aniwae,i saw sumone todae at SC..hmm..wat shud i kol hym??mr playboy??i admire hym way before i admire mr independent..well,his charmed smile is like a spell on me..unfortunately,sumone told me he's a bad boy..so,guess forget it..tis is wat they said..admirance from a far distance..oh yeah,gotta update my personal diary..

SC....

Saw izan again todae..still tk acknowledge hym..i wanted to smile but he looked away alreadi..haha..so,ala..next tyme la eh..did not see siti todae..and i had great fun wit my SC ppl todae!!!went to woodlands to mkn..then,shop fer things wit them..laughed alot..love mamahouse so much..like a mother sia even though she's the same age as me..haha!!ok..i got sum leaking news tat i will be the head of house committee..ya allah!!die more better..haha!!i dun want..i wanna projects..*sob..ok2 mepek..tkpela..ape nk buat..naseb badan..lol!!ryte now,i wanna buy new baju fer investiture..and perhaps a new skirt??oh yeah,i tink i wanna wear a short hair wig on tat dae..look abit different eh..haha..cnferm shit look like feminine gerl wit short hair..lol!!btw,i talked to sahrifah bout jan intake tat dae..pah said sumhow maybe they feel neglected..april intake sombong ke??watever is i wanna all jan intake sc to cum bck n join us..can we start over afresh??

* I misjudge u by ur angelic looks...ur smile gives a charm spell on me..unfortunately, i can't fall in love wit a playboy or shud i say a bad guy??

* U light me up again after so long i missed you...